My guy no dey spend money...
A few days go, I was having a conversation with a lady, who's been in a pretty serious relationship but has a fundamental issue with her man..
"Steve, my man's stingy and doesn't share his financial information with me. I've been dating him for 2 years and I have no idea how much he makes. We keep our finances separate, and that is fine for me, but he does not want to share with me any information regarding his income or how much he is bringing to our marriage. Although I told him my intention is not to get any of his money or even access to his accounts, I just want for us to share all our information, he still insists he doesn’t feel comfortable about it. I have told him that I can't get married to him if there are secrets between the two of us, with no change in his response. He's very comfortable with my spending my money on him, but always complains when he has to spend money on me. What should I do? Should i still go on with the wedding?
I mean, this chic isn't broke herself, she's got a job, but once in a while, she might need some help from her man, like recharge cards once in a while and her good old working boyfriend sends her N200 airtime.to use for a week
You heard me, N200 airtime for the whole week!
Yikes! I mean, I don't know about you, but I kinda think that's low.
Now, I may be old school, but I believe that your boyfriend ain't responsible to take care of all your bills, simply because you're not married.to him yet
However,
I do believe that once you're in an exclusive relationship that's heading pretty close to the aisle, financial disclosure is necessary
Now, I know that most fellas may not be willing to do this, simply because they believe that "if bae knows how much I earn, she'll increase her demands"
So, can you be trusted with your fiancee's networth?
Be 100% transparent about your income, savings and spending habits. It's either you and your partner will get on the same page or you won’t. But at least you won’t get married to a person whose values are fundamentally different from yous.
The fact that he is not being transparent about this does not portend a healthy future for you at all.
Transparency is the foundation of a relationship – the ability to be 100% yourself and be accepted for your flaws. I guess one could spin this by saying that you should “accept” him for his secrecy, but that’s like accepting him when he stays out all night and doesn’t tell you where he’s been.
Listen, you’ve already thought this through and you’ve come to largely the same conclusion that I would.
You acknowledged that you should have talked about money earlier.
You’ve stated that he doesn’t want to share any financial information with you whatsoever.
You’ve told him that you will not enter marriage with any secrets between you.
You’ve threatened to call off the wedding unless there is complete transparency.
Yep, that’s about right. The question is whether you have the guts to break things off. From the outside, I’d say you should, but that’s because I’m an objective third party and I haven’t sunk two years and a ton of time, energy, money and emotion into your relationship.
So, from the outside, I would support you walking away from this relationship. You may have a quality man whom you love, but it’s his responsibility to make you feel safe. And you can’t feel safe in a relationship where he’s keeping these kinds of important secrets.
To clarify, I don’t think you have to blurt out everything you’ve ever done to your partner – if he was in a cult in college and he wanted to keep it a secret, he could. If you had an abortion as a teenager and you didn’t want him to know, that’s your right.
The past is the past.
But this is the present. His money situation affects every aspect of a marriage and you have the right to know everything. Don’t let him bully you into thinking otherwise. That’s not an understanding husband
That's what I think
I'd like to know what you think.
Drop a comment below
Steve
